I was born without the gene that enables a speaker to put a fine point on a difficult topic: I'm blunt. And I'm unapologetically political. So when someone asks to "friend" me on Facebook--unless I've met that person with a protest sign in hand--I warn them that I use FB primarily for political activism. That's why there are no current students and so few former students among my FB friends--it just wouldn't be appropriate.
There's a time and place for everything. How many times have I heard self-styled "patriots" shout at protesters (sometimes at my husband, who is a Vietnam vet!): "People DIED to give you the right to do that." Damn straight! They didn't die to protect our right to sit home and keep our apathetic mouths shut. We owe it to them to speak our minds, to exercise the rights they fought to protect.
At least that's how I see it.
But I've noticed an interesting pattern among my some of my women friends. Half a generation before me, there is still great pressure to "be a lady" at all costs. Now this is not true for all of my friends, but I crash right into this attitude every once in a while. (I have a cousin, for example, who believes that ANY four-letter-word on a protest sign is more objectionable than ANY atrocity or injustice in the world.)
Case in point: yesterday I was "unfriended" by someone Donald and I met in a leisure class we took a while back. She seems like a pretty tough old bird who's led an independent life and now enjoys retirement funded by the fruits of her own labor (she built it!) along with Social Security and Medicare (we helped!), all while despising social programs and "socialized medicine." You know the type.
When she sent me a FB friend request, I gave her the usual warnings and disclosures. No problem, she said. I guess she thought she could take it.
She lasted right up until the RNC convention this week. She's one of those people whose world divides neatly into R-s and D-s, and I was definitely on the wrong side of her R, no matter that I don't belong to any party. She was mad at me and all the friends I rode in on. Apparently, she'd been repressing her anger for months because she likes me and my nice, acceptable posts about quilts, gardening, animals, and--best of all!--food.
In other words, she likes me when I act like a lady. I notice this in women about 10 years older than I am--I think it's because they came of age before the Women's Movement. They grew up being seen and not heard. They seem to resent women who don't adhere to the code of sweetness, and they lash out like wrinkly, old Mean Girls. Since the Women's Movement--to borrow a phrase from Green Day--"silence is the enemy." Being ladylike is not in my Book of Virtues.
And here's why: women marched, fought, and died to give me a voice to speak about things that matter, a voice to raise against injustice, violence, and corruption. I'm damned sure going to use it.
2 comments:
You call it, sister! I have a few tough old birds as friends as well and have noticed a certain reticence among them to continue to push for the change that started with the brave women who came before them. I don't think they have forgotten the history or their experiences before the big struggles and gains of the second half of the 20th century. How could they? Many of the old ladies I know were women in male careers, chose not to have husbands or families, and generally lived lives of social opposition. They didn't march, protest, sing songs, or lobby lawmakers. They lived quiet lives of rebellion and inspired all the women and girls who knew them and dared to dream beyond the June Cleaver roles assigned them by a patriarchal and proper society.
And yet, as you note, they are noticeably uncomfortable with the outspoken, passionate, balls to the wall approach of women our age who seek not only to maintain and further the hard won gains of our predecessors, but to educate and incite our progeny who need to continue the struggle and hold precious ground. They are truly torn between the uncompromising lives they lived and the need to pass as "socially acceptable women".
Now, I will admit that I am not as boldly political on Facebook as you, except with certain friends and family. This is because I largely use Facebook to keep in touch with nieces, nephews, grandkids and my mother, most of whom are of a tender age and still under the guidance of their parents who mostly don't agree with my politics or activist lifestyle! My kids and siblings know about my passion for politics and social change and some engage in the conversation while others ignore it, as is their right. In return, I do my best not to respond to their sound bite conversations and unquestioning loyalty to ideologies they have neither explored nor questioned but are content to mindlessly voice the mantras of at all possible opportunities.
So, am I following in the footsteps of those silent old ladies by letting my consideration for parental influence curtail my political voice in order to maintain connections and relationships with others? Or am I just recognizing that social decorum is something I value and am willing to abide by in certain situations because I recognize that the body politic has many faces and tolerances and to demand freedom to voice my opinions, I must, too, give the freedom for others to voice theirs and to be free from hearing mine if they so choose? I like to think it is the latter. It is why I, too, do not friend current or even recent students and have friended only a small number of past students. It isn't appropriate to engage with them, even in my somewhat muted way.
An afterthought. I do find myself censoring some of my political posts because I know I will get mindless blowback and I just don't have the strength to argue with people who aren't approaching it rationally or logically. I am tired of the "birther" mentality that refuses to accept anything as fact or evidence that doesn't support their beliefs and uninformed opinions. It just takes so much effort for little or no gain and it isn't even a fun disagreement/discussion/conversation! So why bother? Ha!
Those are my thoughts on the issue. Thanks for the conversation!
Patrice, I love this thoughtful response--thanks! I don't think there's any right or wrong way to use social media. But I do think we need to respect other people's right to think and express themselves as is best for them. I am so careful to warn people away from my FB wall if I think they might be offended by it. If they ignore those warnings, I don't expect to be taken to task for the very thing I warned them about. In some cases, I just don't respond to friend requests because I can see the writing on the wall, so to speak.
One thing I didn't go into here is that the person who unfriended me accused me and my friends of making her behave badly. She likes me when I do nice, girly things, but she doesn't like me when I speak my mind or am entertained by biting or edgy humor. She must be reading the ticker to follow my comments so closely on posts that didn't relate to her at all. Who has time for that? By the way, I'm pretty sure the cousin who turned me on to FB had regretted that ever since. ;-)
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